Notes from One [Indigenous] Boy to America
- Forgive me for I have something to say
- Everything is in the language we use. – Layli Long Soldier [This means the world to me]
- 13:34, it’s raining again
- First of all, I’m quite shy [so I’ll try my best]
- I mark the white page & erase what dark I’ve made
- Let me begin again
- I watch my people arrested at night
- What I saw: their wrists gleaming with moonlight
- ’anoqónma, my uncle says / meaning, indigenous
- Question: are there enough metaphors to sink the world? Or to keep it moving?
- Sometimes, standing in the rain makes me feel more alive—why is that?
- My cousin has two long braids that reach down his body—& for that, I’m so happy
- See your mouth—our lips want nothing but to be this red
- The whole world was water once / don’t you remember?
- 21:07, I want my mother / to know I love her
- Bones speak / bones, speak
- Stop & listen to the silence between us
- What might that mean?
- Some of us are more afraid than others
- Note to self: every word I’ve ever spoken was & is laced with water, a burning water
- Question: have you stared at your fingerprints in the window?
- Immediate thought: the only proof of your humanity / sometimes / that you were here
- How might we prove we’re really alive? / Too deep? Too soon? Maybe.
- Let them say: the dead coded you like this: hidden in your fingertips
- Touch me / I promise I’m only a body with a heart beating
- With enough loss / of light / you see yourself / in the glass
- Note to self: every ghost in your bones moves you
- That’s life / sometimes
- My student / who wrote notes in Sharpie to himself on his arms / died of thirst in a field
- Internet comment duly noted: we won the war so shut the hell up
- You were made flesh from so many
- (-continued-) rifle blows
- Another internet comment: let the dogs eat them DAMN DOG EATERS
- Have you looked in the mirror & said: you are a graveyard
- I have
- I warp the mirror only by standing there / only by thinking of you
, America - Touch yourself in the dark (any way necessary) because you are
- (-continued-) a pleasure to be alive
- Question: have you heard voices when looking at a puddle of rain?
- It rained yesterday too
- Imagine: the rain leaping up from the field / like locusts
- I made my yáaca’ cry from an ocean away / from laughing
- Because memories of joy between us keep our blood in motion
- I wanted to know the body / was all we had
- Trying to remember how my skin felt after someone said: fucking Indians
- By the way: here you are / my god / Gentle Reader / because I’m praying & you’re listening
- Thank you / qe’ciyéw’yew’
- The loneliest word is the one you have inside you but haven’t spoken yet
- To learn to make love in another language / I cried that night
- All that was left—bodies remembering—breath, now gone, still wetting the mouth
- No, the body is built to bear the dead
- My grandfather’s tap water is the best in the world / I swear
- It’s good for your blood, says my uncle [who sees better in his one eye than I can with both]
- I was made because it was dark—& somebody was missing
- Undress & stare at yourself / smile / that is you
- Put your hand to your chest & say something like: a house with everyone inside
- I’m part monster, part animal, part water, part story, part song, part trickster, always blood meeting water & sprinkled on the earth
- You breathe / my heart can’t help / but react
- …gather the senses, but I say, gather your hands, dearly beloved
- In my mother’s tiny red Honda hatchback, the radio plays: dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
- (-continued-) to get through this thing called life. & I’ve loved Prince ever since.
- You are passing through your life, like [a. a season, b. a child playing in limbo, c. a clock, d. all of the above]
- In the field, at the massacre site, I wept & wept while my classmates watched
- Question: do you dream of me?
- After the rain finishes, I will ask: will you remember me this way?
- First frost of the year means: yes, even breath touches earth & stays
- Question: how to clear the air if the air is all your loss?
- I gave
youAmerica what it wantedbut I kept something - On my mother’s Facebook post, I write: to be in this skin is a resistance
- On my friend’s Facebook post, I write: indigenous existence = oxymoron
- One headphone shorts &—suddenly—the same song is something I’ve never heard before
- The sparrows broke across the rice field / leaving behind a naked tree
- I love you all / I swear
- Or in other words: ’óykaloo, ’eetx heetiwíse
- Please: look in my eyes—that’s all I ask
Bones Where People Once Stood
are the bones left still / talking through the night / as if nobody had moved / at all & once / all I wanted was for my mouth / to fill with rainwater / to know the stars / yes, the stars / were draining enough of our paradise / our dead left walking c’ewc’éewnim / ’ískit we say / when the road was made / by ghosts dragged along / & leaving only the white smoke of their lives / behind me & my one acre- / shaped body separated / into how many / opened graves like a lifetime of forgotten nights / we breathe / & always see how / America tastes / when dripping / on exiled tongues / the water touching skin / so like blood / is the same water that once entered / the marrow / & stayed & let / our hushed ghosts / move / once more.