Audio recording of the author reading “Good Morning Palestine”
After Robin Williams’ first radio broadcast in Good Morning Vietnam
Gooood Mourning Pa-les-tiiiiiiiiiine! Hey, this is not a test, this is rocks and stones. Time to rock it from Masaffer Yata to Jerusalem. Is that me or does that sound like a Mahmoud Darwish poem? To Our land, Oh To Our Land, Ana Min Hinaak, Ana Min Hinaak, the compound I must make is my homeland… Hey, is it a little too early for being that loud? Too late! It’s O six hundred and they’ve already killed a hundred. What’s the O stand for? Oh my God it’s Occupation! Speaking of Occupation, how about those Cro-Magnons who fund it? Thank them for silky smooth sin, makes me sound like an angel when I speak… Rocks and Stones! Edward and The Dreamers of yore. Waitwaitwaitwait… This is the wrong speeeeed.
For those of you who are recovering from another killing, that’s going to sound just right. Let’s put it right back down again. Let’s try it a little bit faster, see if that picks it up a little bit. The big O is coming up on 75. We’ve already gone through 74. Those soldiers are going
IreallylikethepowerIreallylikethepowerIreallylikethepowerIreallylikethepower. Oh, it’s still a bad call. Hey, wait a minute. Let’s try something, Let’s play it backwards and see if it gets better. Vovesnyeveh. This-regime-is-the-devil. Vovesnyeveh. They-are-funded-by the-devil (Gasps!) Let us sing. Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye.
Picture a man going on a journey beyond sight and sound. He’s left Gaza. He’s entered… the Checkpoint Zone. Aaaah! De de la de de de la de boom. All right! Hey, what is this Checkpoint Zone? What do they mean by clashes? Sounds like a couple of Occupation forces in Jenin going ‘’Uh, she looks like a pretty target’’. Hey, whatever it is, you must like it because it gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of Joe. What is a Checkpoint Zone? Sounds like something out of the Wizard of Oz. Ohhh nooo! Don’t go in there! Hey ho, birthright beau, you’ve now landed in Jericho. You’re among the big people now. You represent the IDF, the IDF. Oh no! Follow the birthright trail. Follow the birthright trail. Oh I’ll get you my pretty. Oh my God it’s the Wicked Witch of the East Jerusalem! It’s Ben! It’s Golda! Now where’s your I.D. You and your little to-do too! Oh Benjamin. Ben-ja-min. What’re you doing Benjamin? Oh, Bennett, you slut! You’ve been native to everywhere but Palestine. Stop it right now… hey, uh, hi, can you help me? What’s your name? My name’s Naftali. Naftali, what town were you stationed in? When you beamed with pride in between flying bullets aimed at Arabs? What was the weather like out there? Was it hot? Damn hot! Real hot! Hot as it is, it’s still no comparison to what awaits. Well can you tell me what it feels like? Fool! Why it’s hot, I told you again. Were you born on the sun? It’s damn hot! I said it’s so damn hot I saw these little trees in the olive grove burst into flames, it’s that hot, you know what I’m talking about? What do you think it’s going to be like tonight? It’s going to be hot and burning. That’s nice if you’re with a lady, but it ain’t no good if you’re in the desert. Here’s a song coming your way right now. Dami Falasteeni By Mohammed Assaf. Yes! Hey, you know what I mean. Whew! Was that too much?
