Am I Writing Stand Up Shit Now?

Sophia Lara


ive grown up my whole life knowing that im like ugly / that im like not literate even though i write every day? whats
up with that again? / that im like fur coats and red bottom shoes in my head bc my sister taught me that it was okay to
love pretty things / that i learned that im like mansions and big diamond teardrops hanging to my shoulders / but im
like always going to live in this small ass house with mama banging on the locked door telling me to get my ass up
already / but like shhh be quiet / she cant know youre kissing up the dark hairs i refuse to wax while i daydream about
mixed palette fabrics / that im like one-thirds not enough / and two-thirds of me is like not as nice as i should be /
because im like crude and cynical? / is that the word? / that im like abuela call me on my birthday so i know you still
understand i exist / that im like dad pay for my college because you owe this to me because mama says you do / that
im like whatever im older than i was when you called me up at two am and told me to come over and i didnt even have
a car yet and i probably couldnt even drive i dont know i hadnt tried yet but you were 25 at the time and i liked that
you made me feel like i could make it on my own? / that im like too young to wear virgin chokers to school and
platform boots and big diamond earrings that i payed for with my poetry / shit, he’s calling again / shit, doesnt he
know im in history class? / shit, dad forgot to excuse my absence last week so i cant leave now / shit, if i dont get the
fuck out of here and across town he’s going to call up his downstairs neighbor / shit, she’s older than me and got a
nose job that i cant afford / shit, who the fuck cares / shit, arent i pretty enough / shit, my poems about everything but
you got published in a magazine again and nobody knows i wrote them / shit, nobody likes them so what makes me
think i can write this shit anyways / shit, i forgot that im like badass / shit, did i just publish my feelings and make
money? / shit, my sister wants to be buried in a rolls royce / shit, i could probably afford that now / shit, can i insure
my tongue? / shit, he hasn’t called me back / shit, my mom just told me my poetry was shit / shit, am i being crude
again? / well, shit.